Life in a Game! by Enemy Crab Productions

5.24.2009

The Best Medicine

By Kent Steichman
Investigative Reporter

I think we’ve all been there before. You’re out on a quest, could be a sidequest, or you might be hot on the trail of your nemesis after he kidnapped your significant other, and it’s just starting to wear on you.

You’re low on hit points, your white mage is tapped out, and you’re a stiff breeze away from having to reload at the last save point when you reach town. After a night at the local inn, you’re right as rain, and ready to take on the world again.

For years, the therapeutic secrets of the hotel industry have been a well guarded secret. It turns out a good night’s rest is all you need to recover from anything from low HP to a bout of poison to being turned into a frog to, strangely enough, being put to sleep.

So how is it that these seemingly humble innkeepers can manage feats of medicine for only a few gold pieces that the best doctors and white mages in the world need at least a high level Cure spell and a Remedy to do?

None of the innkeepers I asked wanted to say a thing about it. In fact, most of them said nothing except to offer me a room, so I figured, what the heck, it was only a few gold, and maybe I could gain some insight into the situation.

I checked into my room, and after wondering just why there were three other beds, I set about looking around the place. Nothing seemed particularly out of the ordinary as I checked the room, except they’d blocked HBO. Cheap buggers.

An idea struck me, that the healing must obviously happen in the middle of the night, so if I stayed up the whole night straight, maybe I could “catch” whatever it is in the act.

So, I settled in for the long haul and ordered some movies to watch. About half way through the third Captain Qwark movie, my eyelids were getting heavy, and I checked the clock to see it was past 3 am. Figuring that either I was on the wrong track or I’d missed whatever it was that did the healing, I decided to call it a night.

But as I put my head down on the pillow, I could swear I heard some sort of fluttering sound coming from the flower pot in the corner. I kept my eyes closed, lest whatever made the sound leave.

“About bloody time,” I heard a tiny voice muttering to itself from the pot, and I felt dust falling over me as it cursed under its breath. When it was gone, I felt like a million gil, refreshed and ready to take on the world.

So, there you have it, I suppose. Fairy magic.

Honestly, I liked it better when it was a mystery.

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3.22.2009

On the Edge of Extinction

By Kent Steichman
Investigative Reporter

Scientists from around the world have been baffled by the ongoing depopulation of several once-prominent species that take residence in the wildernesses all around the world. While the Dalmascan Wolf, the Cornerian Goblin, and various other wild animals once littered the terrain, now they've become incredibly scarce, with no readily discernable reason.

With the scientific community was at a loss for finding the explaination, I took it upon myself to look into what happened to these majestic creatures. First, I made my way to the Dream City, to see if anyone knew what caused the Goblins there to be put on the endangered species list back in '87. Aside from welcoming me to the city, repeatedly, and talking about some Light Warriors and orbs, nobody was any real help.

Since that was getting me nowhere, I called up some of the contacts I have in the scientific community. Dr. Light refused to answer my calls, but Professor Oak in Palette Town said one possibility was climate change. He added the local Pokemon populations hadn't changed much, though every once in awhile he'd find several concussed Rattatas when out on his morning walks.

For some reason, though, that explanation didn't really fit for me. After all, it seemed to happen in relatively isolated areas, and as I looked into it, the depopulations seemed to happen around other big events in the area. For example, the Dalmascan Wolves were nearly wiped out shortly after the new regent from the Archadian Empire took over the capital at Rabanastre.

I headed to the desert city to see if I could find anyone there that might know something. So, I asked around, starting with some of the soldiers stationed around the city. They said they had no idea what had happened to the Estersand's beasts, because, well, they didn't care. "What's a few wolves to you, mate?" they'd ask from behind those masks.

Honestly, I think they're just irritable because, well, they're wearing full plate mail in a desert, but I suppose they don't have much choice.

As I walked around the city, I noticed one of the vendors seemed to have an overabundance of wolf pelts, and I asked the merchant where he'd gotten his merchandise. After I slipped him a few gil, he told me he got most of the pelts from a young man named Vaan.

"It was right around that big party at the palace," he told me, "It was like something just possessed the poor lad. I mean, he used to just kill rats here and there down in the sewers, but one day, he just started hunting down the wolves outside the city, chasing'em down and whackin' 'em left and right."

He said Vaan had been a "good guy" before then, but of course the boy had some issues. His parents had both died years before, and his brother was killed during the war with Arcades. My informant speculated that the new governor's installation might have just pushed him over the edge.

"But hey, these pelts sell pretty well, so I ain't complaining," he added. I asked him how he could be so cavalier about the possible extinction of the local wildlife, and he said, "Eh, there's always a few more laying about," then asked if I wanted to buy some potions.

I tried tracking down this "Vaan," but nobody knew where he was. I doubt, though, that he's responsible for the other sets of endangered animals, unless he really gets around. And has a time machine. It may forever remain a mystery what's plaguing the creatures of the world.

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